A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. Leo F. Buscaglia
Being in a relationship is being yourself but near somebody else.
However, what if your partner doesn’t understand you?
What if sometimes it just seems that you speak different languages?
How can you find the common ground to save or improve your relationships?
If this story is familiar to you, what you need to know is that it’s all about striking the right note and the main tool at our immediate disposal is simply choosing the right words!
The major problem that we face in a relationship is trying to express ourselves.
Eventually the initial infatuation takes a backseat to reality and we begin to discover that the person is different that our impression of them during the first few encounters.
Doctor Suzanne Degges-White writes that COMMUNICATION in relationships is the key.
It’s what we do and do not say to one another when it comes to everyday living that matters the most.
Grand gestures do not mean much in the grand scheme of things, if you forget to say the little things and most importantly if you forget how to say them!
So, it’s time to get to the main point!
If communication is this important, what things we should ‘communicate’?
Here there is a list of 11 phrases that lie at the heart of successful relationship!
1. Recollections prove you listen!
“I bought/made that _______ you’ve liked so much when we ____________.”
Obviously, when a couple lives together the everyday routine can get in the way of romance.
Moreover, going through the motions of everyday life can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
And who is to blame? Our problems are actually caused by us in most cases.
What are the main issues?
Each couple has their own, but what we need to ask ourselves is “Is it worth the cost?”
In most cases, definitely not. Remember that it’s all in our hands. Sharing obligations only is not enough.
How we say the things we say mean as much as what we say.
We need to remember to be thankful and unselfish.
In order to get something, you need to give something as well.
The positive changes in our lives come from within ourselves and not from others.
2. Fetch a compass
“Honey, I know you are swamped, but could you __________?”
Diplomacy in a relationship? That’s a given!
It’s said that the biggest wars are fought in our bedrooms but we can be smarter than that.
Taking the bit between the teeth like a stubborn mule is likely to hurt us worse than someone else.
Instead, attention and understanding will help us to find a way to get what we need.
The right approach will make your partner be not only happy about what he does for you but also willing to do it over and over again.
After all, instead of fighting against your beloved ones, isn’t it better to stand and fight together with them?
3. The words from the deep of the heart
“I love you.”
Yes, actions speak louder than words but it doesn’t mean that words have no value at all.
No matter how much time you’ve spent together a couple of months or 10 years don’t forget to mention your feelings every day for one simple phrase can make your partner’s day!
4. Trivial but true
“I miss seeing your face.”
So what if there is nothing unusual about this phrase?
Sometimes even simple words make us smile, make us feel loved and important.
The common mistake many people make is forgetting to remain sweet and caring about our significant others.
Go back in your mind to the first days of your story, your first dates, walks and confessions…didn’t the words come out naturally?
Don’t forget to show your partner as well as yourself that your feelings are still strong. 🙂
Sometimes you just have to say it, because those three words can mean so much more (“The Two Meanings of Missing Each Other” 2017).
5. What about a little surprise?
“Guess what? I made a reservation for two at that lovely place we went to for our first date.”
Special occasions are something we create by ourselves, so why not to bless our lives with those more often?
Once you do that you can be sure that your partner will follow suit.
However, don’t forget that it’s not a favor and no one is keeping score.
Having good time together is the solution to many problems, and a pleasant surprise can melt the ice in any relationships!
6. Show u care!
“Honey, how are you?”
It happens sometimes that our whole day goes wrong.
Troubles at work, loan repayment and other things are hanging over our head, relatives wouldn’t leave you alone…anything can happen but nothing is as horrible when there is someone who is always there for you.
Ask politely if your partner has anything to share, however remember that it’s important not to cross a line!
No pressure, if the person is not ready to talk, it’s better to wait, when the moment is right he will confide in you himself, as long as he knows you’re there.
(“Why Silence Is a Relationship Killer | Psychology Today” 2017).
7. Recognition is essential
“I am so glad you are the _________ of our child(ren).”
Well, the advice isn’t for everybody but sooner or later the time comes.
Raising children together takes the relationship to a whole new level…. beautiful and complicated at the same time.
Difference in ideas about upbringing usually causes plenty of disagreements but it’s important to respect and appreciate what the other one has to offer.
People are different and that makes their visions different as well, but don’t forget that there was a reason you chose this person.
Remind your beloved one that you believe no one could take his place and do his job better.
8. Dream together
“Honey, I can’t wait to go on a vacation with you! There are so many wonderful things we could do together, why don’t we start saving up to put the projects into action?”
Conversations about money can often be dangerous ones.
Before bringing up this topic make sure your partner wouldn’t think you are trying to take advantage out of your relationship!
At the same time making plans is very important, and if you’ve got something on your mind it’s better to share it because other people don’t read minds!
Come up with various ideas, discuss them, build projects and go for them.
The most important thing is that you do it all together.
9. Freedom is the key to happiness
“Honey, I hate seeing you sad when you recall the good times with your guys/ how you used to ___________, why don’t you take that up again? Wasn’t it a joy for you?”
Relationships are an important part of our lives but still not everything!
Leisure consists of so many various aspects so why not enjoy them all!
Not beyond the bounds of decency, of course. 🙂
Shrinking into yourself or getting stuck to your partner doesn’t lead to a happy ending.
Alternative interests should still take place in your life and be supported by both partners.
Furthermore, never restrict the freedom and aspirations of the other one.
The truth is that having some time alone is good for us, and it is good for “us”. (“Balancing Time Together vs. Apart” 2017).
10. Find something just for you two
“Honey, I think I’ve put on a few pounds. How about we start running/walking/cycling/yoga together?”
Sounds like a trap, doesn’t it? 🙂
In reality not always saying what people want to hear in return is best, like “no, no, you are in a perfect shape!’’
Maybe in this case they are just trying to throw out a hint that it’s actually the other one who needs a gym or simply to look for a reason to spend more time together.
In any case, doing something as a couple is a positive contribution to the relationship: new places, new acquaintances, new topics to discuss, at long last.
Think about it, it could be anything!
11. Share what you’ve got
“I get such a kick out of being with you!”
Time goes by and relationships change but the emotions you feel for your soul mate stay.
We often forget to share our feelings or find it no longer important as the love story moves on, however it is.
How do you prevent your significant one from having doubts that you belong together?
How do you make him believe you are still attracted to him? Just say it!
Knowing that you really get a kick out of one another makes the relationship more romantic no matter how long-term they are!
(“Close Relationships: Liking and Loving over the Long Term | Principles of Social Psychology – 1st International Edition” 2017).
What we say is important, but a relationship is not only about phrases.
It’s hard work and self-improvement too, which have to be done by both partners.
However, nothing can be changed for the better if you aren’t ready to take responsibility.
In other words, what does building up your relationship mean?
To learn to communicate, to be comprehensive, to trust and to support your beloved one, to fight against the influence of the routine and to remember that there is no longer the word “me” but the word “us” in its place.
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Anthony Robbins
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About the author
Susy Richards is a lovely mother of 3 girls (3 years, 4 years and 5) and a simple woman who is ready to share her priceless experience with other mommies around the world. She is an Advanced Practice Provider who passed birth doula and postpartum doula courses at Childbirth International in 2013. Susy is passionate about providing holistic care and is involved in pregnancy research currently publishing her articles concerning pregnancy on site rocketparents.com
References
“Balancing Time Together vs. Apart.” 2017. Psychology Today. Accessed February 17. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pleasures-sex/201212/balancing-time-together-vs-apart.
Bradbury, Wendy Klein, Carolina Izquierdo, and Thomas N. 2013. “The Difference Between a Happy Marriage and Miserable One: Chores.” The Atlantic, March 1. https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/the-difference-between-a-happy-marriage-and-miserable-one-chores/273615/.
“Close Relationships: Liking and Loving over the Long Term | Principles of Social Psychology – 1st International Edition.” 2017. Accessed February 17. https://opentextbc.ca/socialpsychology/chapter/close-relationships-liking-and-loving-over-the-long-term/.
Klontz, Thanks to psychologists Brad, PsyD, CFP®, Mary Gresham, Ph.D., and Who Assisted with This Article. 2017. “Happy Couples: How to Avoid Money Arguments.” Http://Www.apa.org. Accessed February 17. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/money-conflict.aspx.
“Maintaining Attraction in Long-Term Relationships.” 2017. Psychology Today. Accessed February 17. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201205/maintaining-attraction-in-long-term-relationships.
“Marital Education Program Help Keep Couples Together.” 2017. Http://Www.apa.org. Accessed February 17.
Ph.D., Suzanne Degges-White. 2017. “10 Steps to Effective Couples Communication.” Psychology Today. Accessed February 17. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201605/10-steps-effective-couples-communication.
“The Two Meanings of Missing Each Other.” 2017. Psychology Today. Accessed February 17. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201206/the-two-meanings-missing-each-other.
“When Is It Okay to Fart Around Your Significant Other? | GQ.” 2017. Accessed February 17. http://www.gq.com/story/when-is-it-okay-to-fart-around-your-significant-other.
“Why Silence Is a Relationship Killer | Psychology Today.” 2017. Accessed February 17. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201401/why-silence-is-relationship-killer.
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Great advice! I like your approach and that in order to have change for the better, we need to take responsibility for it. Too many people give up now-a-days! It’s very easy to allow our relationships to get into a rut and to take what we have for granted. These phrases help us to get back to the basics and remember what we love about our partner! It’s important to keep our relationships nurtured 😉